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Christmas Carols Again (2010 this time)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 16th December 2012 at 15:11 - Posted in Police Blogs

The Station Sergeant ….... is feeling festive.   By popular acclaim, I am delighted to bring you another selection of Christmas carols rewritten to celebrate the whacky world of policing in 2010...   Good King Gazza   Good King Gazza last looked out, (He used to be like Rooney*) Cops with guns all stood about, Pointing at a loony. Gazza sank so much that night, Normal men would sicken, He could sort out Moaty's head, With lager, bread and chicken.   'I've brought...
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Police Nativity...(2009)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 16th December 2012 at 15:09 - Posted in Police Blogs

Call me a cynic, but I can't help thinking that the Story of the Nativity would be greeted with some scepticism if it was reported to me at the front counter of my nick.   “Let's get this right then, Miss, shall we?  You were minding your own business when you saw an apparition which seemed intent on telling you some important news.  It had wings, right?  Oh, and a halo.  I see.  Said his name was Gabriel.  Bathed in light.  Well that's the Princess of Darkness...
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Urban Hillbillies and Banjo Players (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 28th October 2012 at 11:53 - Posted in Police Blogs

Like the rest of the country I was delighted and, admittedly, surprised when nine year old Shannon Matthews was found alive in West Yorkshire.  In the preceding 24 days, however, the national press had excelled itself in its double standards; columnists routinely trumpeting their statutory ‘I grew up on a council estate and had it rough; kick one of us and we all limp’ credentials, whilst also sniggering at the lives and loves of the underclass that had been...
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Oh for Fox Sake! (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 28th October 2012 at 11:51 - Posted in Police Blogs

The award for Politically Correct Imbecility of the Week goes to Northamptonshire Police for their investigation into alleged racist comments by Basil Brush.  Yes, it’s true.  Basil made a gag in 2002 that a fortune teller stole his wallet.  This has been repeated eight times on television and appeared on the Basil Brush DVD.  Now it has been deemed to be offensive to the Traveling Community so is being investigated as a hate crime by...
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Don't panic Captain Mainwaring... (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 28th October 2012 at 11:50 - Posted in Police Blogs

The State Nannies strike again. This time, they have told the armed forces that it is too dangerous to go out in uniform around town for a drink so if they want to relax they have to get a six pack from the NAAFI and head for the nearest air raid shelter.  These same desk warriors happily send troops out on the streets of Basra or the dusty byways of Helmand Province without proper equipment.  Last night, I met a group of squaddies who happen to the British...
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Avoid Unnecessary Journeys (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 13th October 2012 at 9:24 - Posted in Police Blogs

     It was, as usual, raining today and blowing a gale as I made my way across the car park and into my nice warm station.  The parade room was stuffed to the rafters with PCs who had suddenly found an urgent need to catch up on their crime workloads instead of getting out in the foul weather and doing something useful.  This is despite the fact that the taxpayer gives them warm and weatherproof clothing at vast expense so that they are not at any real risk of hypothermia.  I...
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Thank Goodness for Thick Crims (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 13th October 2012 at 9:18 - Posted in Police Blogs

I almost feel sorry for the two Australian robbers who attempted to hold up a bar in Sydney last week, only to find that it was staging a Hells’ Angels convention.  One was ‘restrained’ by the customers and the other was arrested later, though it is unclear whether he was found gibbering behind a nearby coolabar tree or maybe the bikers eventually got fed up with towing him round the saloon behind a Harley Davidson.  I presume that most robbers try...
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Spot the Loonies (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 09th October 2012 at 17:37 - Posted in Police Blogs

Spot the Loony Part 1  I see that it’s not just the Police Service that suffers from institutional dimwittedness.  The London Fire Brigade’s bosses have decreed that their officers are not to pay routine visits to private houses where someone has been smoking in the hour prior to their attendance.  Of course, if there are flames as well as smoke, it is likely that the house is burning down so that’s a different matter. Yes, it’s the Health...
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Sandwich Course (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 09th October 2012 at 17:35 - Posted in Police Blogs

   It appears that officers up in the broad acres of North Yorkshire have been serving the wrong kind of sandwiches.  Police Review’s article on this grave matter thoughtfully featured a photograph of the ham sandwich which, it appears, caused widespread offence in the Northallerton area.  It was not made clear quite who has been so grievously offended by the aforementioned morsel gate-crashing an otherwise joyful and harmonious community luncheon.  However it is safe to...
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Station Sergeant's OSPRE Part 2 (2008)

Written by RSS Poster thestation-sergeants-blog on the 09th October 2012 at 17:33 - Posted in Police Blogs

Now that OSPRE looks like it is falling out of favour, I can now reveal my foolproof method for getting through the Part Two exam.  The basic premise is that the same situations always crop up in every assessment, and they can be dealt with very simply, quickly and effectively.   1.      The Disciplinary Matter.  A sergeant or PC comes to see you because they are not performing satisfactorily.  Ask them what the hell they are playing...
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