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Spot the Loonies (2008)
written by thestation-sergeants-blog on the 09th October 2012 at 17:37

  • Spot the Loony Part 1  I see that it’s not just the Police Service that suffers from institutional dimwittedness.  The London Fire Brigade’s bosses have decreed that their officers are not to pay routine visits to private houses where someone has been smoking in the hour prior to their attendance.  Of course, if there are flames as well as smoke, it is likely that the house is burning down so that’s a different matter. Yes, it’s the Health and Safety fascists again, having decided that houses count as Trumpton’s workplace so smoking is verboten.  Don’t get me wrong; I have the utmost respect for fire-fighters and I am not blaming Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub as no doubt the average fire officer thinks this is absolutely ludicrous as well.  Perhaps if they wore breathing apparatus whilst they wandered round fitting smoke alarms and reminding the residents to turn off their chip pans, that would pacify the desk-bound jobsworths at Brigade HQ.  However I suspect that much of the fire safety message might be lost in translation as the officers would be mumbling from inside their respirators.  Let’s just hope that our top brass don’t latch on to the same restriction; just imagine if the crims got the idea that lighting up in the comfort of their own hovel meant that we couldn’t go in and arrest them.  They’d be permanently chain-smoking.


  • Spot the Loony Part 2   Sir Al Aynsley-Green, the Children’s Commissioner, has decreed that we should not use the cheap, popular and highly-effective ‘Mosquito’ teenager deterrent any more as it infringes the kiddies’ human rights.  Oh dear, what a pity, never mind.  The Mosquito emits a constant irritating, high-pitched whine.  Much like the average teenager in fact.  Jovial Uncle Albert thinks these devices discriminate against the packs of pizza-faced muppets as they hang around witlessly outside shops of an evening, pretending to be gangsters.  Well that’s what the devices are there for.  What else could we use?  I would suggest that a quantity of soap displayed outside the shops might frighten them off.  Likewise, adverts for acne cream might remind the hoodie-wearing half-wits of their own inadequacy.  I don’t know if I imagined a recent news article which mentioned fire-fighters turning their hoses on some young morons who were bricking them as they fought a fire; I certainly hope it was true.  Uncle Albert says that we are demonising the street vermin by picking on them all the time.  All they want, apparently, is ‘respect’.  Unfortunately, to these half-baked plastic gangsters, ‘respect’ is street parlance for ‘fear’.  So let’s just keep treating them with contempt instead and at the same time ignore Uncle Albert in the hope that he will go away.

 Originally posted at

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