It was, as usual, raining today and blowing a gale as I made my way across the car park and into my nice warm station. The parade room was stuffed to the rafters with PCs who had suddenly found an urgent need to catch up on their crime workloads instead of getting out in the foul weather and doing something useful. This is despite the fact that the taxpayer gives them warm and weatherproof clothing at vast expense so that they are not at any real risk of hypothermia. I kicked them out, of course, but it is only a matter of time before the Health and Safety neurotics latch on to it and ban anyone from stepping outside unless it is a nice, warm, slightly overcast day with no risk of freezing, drowning or sunburn. We don’t help ourselves, of course. Whenever the weather ventures gingerly beyond being a bit nippy, inevitably the media announce that police are advising to stay at home and avoid unnecessary journeys. I’ve never found out who at Force HQ is tasked with staring out of the window and deciding when the moment arrives to warn the populace to take cover under the kitchen table. When you look at the British climate, our weather is rarely capable of exterminating anybody with the exception of the terminally stupid. So there must be an ulterior motive. I have concluded that there is a hidden agenda, and it’s all about crime reduction. If we tell everyone it’s too dangerous to go out, they will have to stay at home. No one will go out and commit crime, drink-drive or act in an anti-social manner. And if there are any burglars out and about, the houses will all have someone in hiding from the meteorological doomsday so they won’t be able to break in anywhere. There is obviously method in the madness after all.