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Christmas Carols Again (2010 this time)
written by thestation-sergeants-blog on the 16th December 2012 at 15:11

The Station Sergeant ….... is feeling festive.


By popular acclaim, I am delighted to bring you another selection of Christmas carols rewritten to celebrate the whacky world of policing in 2010...


Good King Gazza


Good King Gazza last looked out,

(He used to be like Rooney*)

Cops with guns all stood about,

Pointing at a loony.

Gazza sank so much that night,

Normal men would sicken,

He could sort out Moaty's head,

With lager, bread and chicken.


'I've brought my rods and dressing gown,

A six pack and some slippers,

My mate Moaty needs to fish,

We can catch some kippers'.

'Gazza go and sling your hook',

Said a passing copper.

'You're not really bullet-proof,

You're bound to come a cropper'.


*Good poetry doesn't have to make sense, it just has to rhyme.  Trust me.


O Come All Ye Students


O Come All Ye Students,

Stroppy teenage wasters,

Anarchists, lecturers and Rentatrot,

Come and protest now,

Shout and wave your placards,

No ifs, no buts, just kettles,

No ifs, no buts, just kettles,

No ifs, no buts, just kettles, and rising fees.


See how the Lefties

Summon up a riot,

Trashing and burning and running amok.

We too shall thither

Take our water cannon.

Oh come let's soak the halfwits,

Oh come let's soak the halfwits,

Oh come let's soak the halfwits,they need a bath.





We Wish That We Had More Money


We wish that we had more money,

The cuts mean it's just not funny,

We wish that we had more money,

To sort out your mess.


More confidence we bring,

To you and your kin,

We wish that we had more money,

Not 25% less.


We all want a proper pension,

That's really worth a mention,

We all want a proper pension,

For when we retire.


More policing we do,

For you and your crew,

We wish that we had more money,

To get you out of the mire.


We can't strike cos it's unlawful,

So they just treat us something awful,

We can't strike cos it's unlawful

So they treat us like dirt.


You'd miss us it's clear,

If we were not here,

So give us a decent budget

Before someone gets hurt.



Ding Dong Merrily on High


Ding Dong Merrily on High,

The ministers are flailing.

Ken Clark wants prisoners let out,

Imelda wants them jailing.

Glooooooooooooria, the jails are overflowing.

Glooooooooooooria, where will the crims be going?



Away With New Labour


Away with New Labour,

The Princess has lost,

Booted out at the election,

But at what kind of cost?


The new lot has no money,

It has all been spent,

We'll be working from a stable,

With no dosh for the rent.


The old lot were rubbish,

Control freaks we hate

But is this lot any better?

I think I'll emigrate.



West Midlands Don't Rejoice


West Midlands don't rejoi-oi-oice,

You haven't got a choi-oi-oice.

The colour of your undies,

Is subject now to scrutiny,

On Saturdays and Sundies,

You're getting close to mutiny,

No thongs, briefs or mankinis,

Can Brummie cops display.



I would like to wish all police officers and staff a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  If you're working, stay safe.




 Originally posted at

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